Some days suck, fo' sho.

So yeah, some days suck.
For those days, I've come to learn that there's not always alot you can do about it- but laughter helps.

Today's been one of those lazy boring days where I've just been wondering and questioning my place.  I mean I know what they say about the grass being greener on the other side.  What if, you've been on both sides and its pretty green on both, but one of them made you happier? Shouldn't that be the side you buy the farm on, so to speak?

I keep telling myself, to give it more time.

More time, more time.

Maybe I also need to grow the F up, and stop being a pansy.

"Leaders lead by example, whether they intend to or not."

I hope this isn't true: Simply said, there are attributes of those in power I'd rather not learn from.  In our company, our job is to help members and help agents help those members.  I'm not an assistant who minds talking to members- irate or not.  But there are a few who won't if they can avoid it.  One in particular will refer the agent to anyone else willing to take it.  There's another who I have never once seen a take a call- PERIOD.

Another does their job, but it's not their job abilities that deter me, or better said, disgust me.  Its the moral ones.  I read a quote that said, "...if a person doesn't have moral integrity in their personal life, they don't have it at work," and I think it's true: Either you're moral or you're not.

I also think when someone displays so blantantly a lack of morals, values, and integrity, it gives me an even-further-lack of faith.  Now, don't get me wrong- I know we're all human and ergo we make mistakes. But a lack of values is a lifestyle when you make the mistakes over and over again. Sure, there are times when we as humans lack good judgment, but to me, its how yo respond to those times: Fix it. Bounce back... and not into the bed of a married man.

So how, in good conscience, can I look up to, model myself, or simply trust someone like this? And what do you do when that person is one you really did look up to and appreciate before the tainted revelation? What's the moral thing to do? Work like you don't know?

It's not my business, that much I know. So the decision I've made is to show no encouragement.  I mean really, no dramatic stream of conscious intended- but if a promise to God and the world means nothing to her, I can't say I put any faith in a promise to me, or anyone else.

Losing Faith

So newest lesson: Along the way there will be times and events that cause you to lose faith. I guess this could be true for life, and a company.

For the day in question, I did everything I could for a member- but that's just it.  What i could do was not much, and what's worse is it took a toll on my heart.  I mean, literally, I know there are some cases where there's nothing in management I can do and my hands are tied.  But what's the point of management if that's the case?  And in a case where you have a 20-year member, we as a company have rewarded him with what? A card with tiny words saying that? His years of loyalty literally didn't pay off.  I know a company needs to stand by its policies to maintain a profit... but some profits aren't measured financially.

And in these times of economic hardship, companies should value its members, shouldn't it?

Another example, a member who had a motorcycle but didn't have the proper coverage.  He'd been with our company for over ten years.  Again, it could be seen as 'not our fault' or even that he chose not to properly cover his vehicle. 

But really, has loyalty come down to faults and bad decisions? Has it been outweighted by dollar signs and profits?

The question weighing so heavily here is, what's more important:
Loyalty or Policy?

Supervisin' Aint Easy

I stepped up to a titled position a little over five months ago with the company I've been employed with now for about a year. My ignorance had me believing I could do this with no problem, no stress, and no doubts. Every perception and preconception I had, was, and is, fading like the color of denim blue jeans. 

And don't get me wrong, It's not that I'm some young girl with rose colored glasses on, thinking life is easy: I know that anything in life has to be earned and worked hard at to keep, and that things are not always as they seem.  I remember thinking in particular one of the best aspects of the position was the responsibility to help agents.  Do I still think this? Absolutely.  Only now I also know it's all about politics in helping those same agents: Protocols have to be followed, words must be carefully chosen, and emails cleared and backed up.  I'm not sure I ever considered being in politics growing up- but clearly, it's not a job field I'd be cut out for.

I also remember thinking there would be some agents out for my blood- those who felt entitled to my position because they'd been here longer or even had better qualifications. What I wasn't ready for, was the loyal friends who weren't so loyal.  Those who trusted me before the title, who didn't trust my answers now that I had one.  To this day, our friendship has never been the same. 

I also wasn't prepared for the backlash on friendship.  With the position came an understanding that I can't really talk about things freely anymore... which means the only ones I can talk to freely are those not in the company, or those in management with me.  With that itself, its ironic.  My supervisor doesn't return my calls, and everyone else?  Well that leads me to my next point.

I used to believe everyone in management was someone I wanted to work with, learn from, and look up to... but they aren't.  I've found that some can't be trusted because they tell everything to get ahead, and the others just to stay ahead of the trampling they worry they'll get. So maybe I do view the world from rose colored glasses. I've had to learn that some people will do anything to get ahead- including throwing others under the proberbial bus.